Pointless rant.

I hate how whenever I go out for dinner or just to visit anyone from my dad's side of the family. My mum always goes home crying. Sometimes if it's really bad , it can even bother her for an entire week. Either it's my grandmother causing drama. My aunts and uncles. god parents , whatever. Every one of them makes everyone of us feel bad. So much for family. No matter what. Having the same blood , surnames or whatever we have in common will never make me call you guys family. Let's say someone points a fkin knife at my face and asked me to , I still wouldn't. I'm not asking for much. Just leave us alone alone. You should really give my mum a break. She's doing the best she can. I'm thankful we're still under a roof . She's paying for so much , on her own. Without anybody's help. She's even helping her own family. And some of my cousins school fees. When I hear things like you guys yelling at her , treating her like trash or talking in a different language behind her back or right in front of her face , it just really makes me wanna throw something at you or hit you so damn hard your skull breaks. But of course , I just can't-.- Are you guys freaking brainless or what. She don't understand but I can right? Have a heart. I get it , you guys have everything. So why would you still wanna make us suffer? It's not of your business. Just take care of your own family. Don't have to boast on how smart and successful your children are. How helpful they can be. Which brings me back to my point of this post. Being not good enough. Being not good enough always sucks. And I do mean always. Whether it's looks or brains. Or maybe even both. I have none. Not even talent. I've got nothing. And let's just be honest right now , I'll end up horribly in the future. I might not even make it in college. I always think it's too late to start working hard now even if my friends say it's not. You see , I think about the future a lot. More than anyone else my age should. But when you come from a broken family. Or at least a problematic one (?) if thats a word. You tend to. It just happens. And having a older brother like mine , how can you not worry? And having a 7 year old brother that doesn't get to enjoy his childhood. Ugh , I pity justyne. having to grow up like this even if he gets on my nerves sometimes. and it hurts to say that. I don't think I can take care of my family in the future. I mean I can try but sigh , I just don't know.