Holidays :)

Um , hey :) So , school wasn't that bad today. The teachers looked happy , and everyone else seemed to have a great time too. Hahaha. Friday is always the best day of the week , eh? Anyways I'm done with exams. Mid terms , at least. Marks are mehhh , not so satisfying. And I'm doing okay now , not great , not amazing , just okay. I also have two weeks off now. A break from school. But I haven't found a proper way to spend it. Hopefully it's not just sleeping late & waking up later all holiday. Cause I'd just be regretting after it's over. So you guys out there! Spend it wisely (?) :P It's precious ;) Will blog soon , since I have something in mind to talk about. Bye for now. Toodles~

Pointless rant.

I hate how whenever I go out for dinner or just to visit anyone from my dad's side of the family. My mum always goes home crying. Sometimes if it's really bad , it can even bother her for an entire week. Either it's my grandmother causing drama. My aunts and uncles. god parents , whatever. Every one of them makes everyone of us feel bad. So much for family. No matter what. Having the same blood , surnames or whatever we have in common will never make me call you guys family. Let's say someone points a fkin knife at my face and asked me to , I still wouldn't. I'm not asking for much. Just leave us alone alone. You should really give my mum a break. She's doing the best she can. I'm thankful we're still under a roof . She's paying for so much , on her own. Without anybody's help. She's even helping her own family. And some of my cousins school fees. When I hear things like you guys yelling at her , treating her like trash or talking in a different language behind her back or right in front of her face , it just really makes me wanna throw something at you or hit you so damn hard your skull breaks. But of course , I just can't-.- Are you guys freaking brainless or what. She don't understand but I can right? Have a heart. I get it , you guys have everything. So why would you still wanna make us suffer? It's not of your business. Just take care of your own family. Don't have to boast on how smart and successful your children are. How helpful they can be. Which brings me back to my point of this post. Being not good enough. Being not good enough always sucks. And I do mean always. Whether it's looks or brains. Or maybe even both. I have none. Not even talent. I've got nothing. And let's just be honest right now , I'll end up horribly in the future. I might not even make it in college. I always think it's too late to start working hard now even if my friends say it's not. You see , I think about the future a lot. More than anyone else my age should. But when you come from a broken family. Or at least a problematic one (?) if thats a word. You tend to. It just happens. And having a older brother like mine , how can you not worry? And having a 7 year old brother that doesn't get to enjoy his childhood. Ugh , I pity justyne. having to grow up like this even if he gets on my nerves sometimes. and it hurts to say that. I don't think I can take care of my family in the future. I mean I can try but sigh , I just don't know.

They're gone.

Well I guess I'm back to blog again. Failed to blog often. So I'll just do it once in a while. Bet I lost all my readers._. So anyways , a lot has happened while I was gone. Within just 3 months. I lost some friends. It's like the ones I need most are the ones that leaves. Why? I gained a few new one though and even'reunited' w some of my old ones. And what about my relationship? I guess you could say it's okay. We have our ups and downs. Mostly downs for now. This is weird because I'm blogging about us here and god knows who could be reading this. Sometimes , I just wish that I could be better at all these you know. Be a better sister , daughter , friend , best friend , girlfriend. To my dearest boyf , I'm not even sure if you trust me rn. I keep things to myself. And no matter how hard you try to hide it , I know it bothers you. It's hard opening up , it is. Because not every one cares. They're just well , curious. But it gets better. At least that's what they all say and I hope so:) I can't afford to lose anybody else right now and I've got way too much things to worry and think about , because midterms are just around the corner. Look I know it's been 5 months + ?. Don’t get angry and lose patience when I don’t tell you what’s wrong with me. if I don’t want to say it, don’t force me to. Rather, reassure me that you are always there to listen and support me in every way possible. allow me to trust you with my issues. prove to me that you’re worthy of my trust towards you. if I do tell you, and the problem is about something you did, you do everything out of your will to understand my perspective because I was upset for a reason. if I don’t tell you and it’s not about what you did or said, and it’s more of a general problem, cheer me up, get my mind off the stress , and when I'm ready, I will open up to you. have patience and wisdom. Don't rush me okay? The picture above says it all.