I don't know.

This friend thing ? Yeah it's not working. And you know it. We shouldn't have got together in the first place huh? It's just so hard to look at people the same after you lost alot of respect for them.

Chances are that you’ll spend at least a little time thinking about how a current problem is due to your reliance on something or someone in the past that did not work out as you expected. This is no reason for regret, really, because if you’re having these thoughts, it means that you’ve already learned your lesson and you’re trying to be cautious, and it’s very likely that you won’t repeat the same mistake. Things are beginning to move forward now, and you should too.

There's a saying that goes.

“Life never came with directions on how to live it, but we make our own paths. Life was never really given a meaning, but you can become a dictionary on how your life is defined.”

Can totally relate to this.

The feeling is mutual.

I know it's mean but I feel the NEED to status that bitch. I mean ugh. Forget it.
Happenings today? Um. Today in school , all we (Me,Mheny,SueSiang,Renee&Leeann) did was reading each other's palms. And play the smacking each others hand / one two jus game:3 Don't laugh , Idk what it's called. Lol , for the whole day. Come to think of it , damnnn I feel lifeless xD But anyways , according to mheny , I'll get divorced. Die cause of stress. And have lots of money when I grow up. Which sounds pretty fake to me but ahwell. *Skip skip skip* Came home and overhearing my mum's convo with my grandmother ( dad's side ) , she wants my parents to stay in her house. Uh , excuse me? What the fuck? What about My brothers & Me? You're just gonna leave us here? We need our mum too , okay? She's been married to my dad for 20+ years. And you wanna take him back now? You always hated us , don't you? Just so you know , the feeling is mutual. You say we don't give my dad "nourishing" food. Well , we're eating the same shit you do. Cause YOU'RE the person that cooked for us. And not only that , you even asked us to pay 600+ for a month for the food you cook. And , you cook only when you feel like it. So some days we don't even get food. Do you bother giving us a call just to say "oh I won't be cooking today yea?" To make sure none of us starve? Bloody hell. Heckyeah , I just bitched about my own grandmother and it's a sin but sometimes I just need to let all the stress of mine to escape my body.

IT'S ZE LOSERS BDAY.

Happy birthday loser! *:]

Wanted to blog this earlier but fked up internet won't let me.

So sorry D:

Here are a few pictures from today! :)

Don't wanna spoil the moment. Gonna rant after this again.

Mmhmm. It begins now. Today , My mood was kinda shitty. Very shitty actually. But I still had fun in school lah. Other then my mood the weather was pretty fucked up as well. Lol. But I feel better than usual today cause I finally got to talk to you. Yeah It's been awhile . Giving the bitch the stare was totally worth it. Even if it was like for 10 minutes of talking. We still had time to catch up on life , I guess. Which was really nice:) But after I got home , I just realized this. I don’t really feel particularly or specifically close to anyone anymore. I mean I can have those nice deep talks with anyone, but there’s not that one person or few people I can instant relate or go to anymore. Seems like everyone has their best friends, and I’m just kind of stuck in the middle talking to everyone, or at the same time, no one.

Why is this happening?

Because you're titled as a " close friend " , I am kind of intimidated. Sometimes, I wish I can speak the truth without sounding like a bitch. Especially if it’s to the person that’s my friend. I want to tell you that you are changing, you’re becoming meaner each and everyday. It’s not a dramatic change, but you’re just becoming mean little by little. Things you do irritate me, sometimes all I can say in my mind is “wow wtf?” when you do the things you do. Well you’re still my friend so all I can really do now is shut my mouth and secretly hope time will change your personality back to what it used to be :)

If I'm weird with you , I'm comfortable with you.

You always have a way to ruin my day , don't you? Aren't you the one who's supposed to make me happy? I don't get it , I honestly don't . EVERY SINGLE TIME we talk/ text. We end up arguing , someone ends up getting hurt or someone ends up crying. What the hell? Seriously.

Insecurity.

i Hate the FEELING WHEN ..

You see something and for that second, you feel your heart drop, and your throat swells up and you feel tears in your eyes and you just can’t speak. You can’t do anything but stare. And then it sinks in and it’s this unbelievable feeling in your chest. Like it’s collapsing on you. And all you can do next is cry. I used to be so sure this was what i wanted. now i don’t think i want it at all.

Dear cupid , where ever you may be . Right now, I just want someone to come in and melt my heart. I wanna experience that feeling of nervousness whenever I see them or talk to them, have that sensation of happiness, hoping it’s him everytime i get a call, and smile to myself like an idiot every single night. I want that all over again..

LOVE ♥

What love is?

Expectation:

Reality:

The second picture means alot more to me. It's really sweet to see his brother is actually taking care of him :') It's hard to find these now a days.

I'll keep the both of them in prayers :) x

RUBES:)

The serkan moments with you :)

K yes , we look horrible. But at least we were having fun. So don't judge us! Thanks. Anyways this post is about my bestfriend , ruby choong:) She'll never get to read this , which is why I'm doing this -___- (Yep , I'm pretty damn lifeless , aren't I?) Let's start. I'm gonna try to make it short as possible.

Dear Ruby , Thanks for the 1 year and 9 months friendship of ours. Within this very short time , you became one of my closest friends (EVER) , you should be proud you blur little girl :) Not many people are. I'd like to thank you for everything. I'll list down a few of them but not all cause I'm too lazy (as always) Firstly , The biggest thank you is for coming in my life during form 1. I'll never forget those 1 jasmin-ians moments. Like when beatrice was drunk or when you're super scared when I wanted to borrow your scissors cause you think I MIGHT kill myself with it and that renee would blame you. (This is so epic) Hahaha , and then you would joke about giving me scissors for my birthday present. How thoughtful of you , *winks* You ended up giving me a domo instead which btw I forget to thank you so thank you again. Let's not forget you rushing to teach me maths during our finals last year (Y) You're my hero :3 Oh oh oh ! And those "OH YALAH , YALAH MOMENTS" . I hope you never forget that. Hmm so, enough with form1. Now form 2. You know how blessed we are to be in the same class again? And the most amazing thing is we're sitting right infront/behind each other ALL THE TIME. So we can chat away like sot. Remember when we were talking about beatrice drifting apart from us? That's how I feel right now. Ever since you've been hanging out with THAT girl (no names included) you changed. Yes we talked about it once or twice. And you PROMISED me , no matter what she does you'll still be friends with me. I mean yeah we still are , but not as close. Not anymore. Her "brainwashing" process is almost done and there's nothing me and leeann can do about it. So I guess we'll just cherish the time we have left with you , no? :)

Love forever and always , Vanessa AKA HamPorkGirl.

That super slutty player friend of yours , that you accept which makes me happy! :D LOLJK.

Ps; I'd write something like this for melanie too. But we were never THAT close anyways , she'd rather choose HER over me and leeann. So yeah . Forget it:)

Pss/Pps; Don't be suprised I actually teared up while writing this.

Psss/Ppps; Sometimes it pays of to care less. Whatever happens, happens.

DIY AGAIN. HAHA.

DID THIS A FEW DAYS BACK BUT FORGOT TO UPLOAD. SO HERE IT IS NOW:)

IMPROVED.

LOVEYDOVEYPICTURES:3

HERE ARE SOME LOVEY DOVEY PICTURES :) CAUSE' IM IN THE MOOD FOR IT.

Or maybe cause I'm too lazy to type stuff now a days:3 So yeah , here you gooo!

Enjoooooy.

#1

#2

#3

Me & LeeAnn was talking about this today. And when I came back from school I found this! Hahahahaha , so ngam la. But I hate it when it happens. Don't you? The picture is funny though :p

STFU PLEASE?

WHEN SOMEONE POSTS THINGS LIKE “GIRLS LOOK BETTER WITH LESS MAKE UP.” I CAN'T STAND IT.

Honestly? Shut the fuck up. Lol, let them do what they want.

It’s their fucking face , not yours!

If they want to cake up their make up, let them.

Cause In their eyes they think they look good if they do it a certain way.

And I don't fucking care if YOU would read this or not , bitch about me all you want. I'm ready for it! :)

TYVM !

Uhm anyways after my rant , I wanna wish these two wonderfullll boys down here ; a happy happy birthday !

So yeah , dear patrick aka brandon yap ming yuan/xuan. I forgot. And raja imran shah aka extremely cute lil guy :3 Happy birthday to you both! For brandon , good luck in your final exams. And for imran , uh i guess we can only keep our fingers crossed cause your upsr is already over. I realized I haven't been talking/skyping much with the both of you lately , so I hope someday , we can go hangout and catch up alright? If you ever see this , and you're free , you have my number! So text meee. Aite? God bless the both of you . Love you guys. - vanessa-

Ps; sorry I had to steal from your facebook profile pictures cause we don't have any ! D: Blame the both of you , haha kidding. Once again , love y'all :)x

Pps/Pss; Forgot to tell you guys , i went to stadium today and met up with some of my old buddies with suesiang and leeann cause it was puay chai's sports day. Andddd , I skipped school! Teehee.

SHIT THAT TOTALLY BLOWS.

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME JEALOUS?

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME MISS YOU EVEN MORE?

ARE YOU PURPOSELY BREAKING MY HEART SLOWLY?

Well it’s working, so you can just stop now. Please…

Before I decide to do anything stupid.

IT HURTS TO SMILE NOW.

One day I'll learn how to handstand therefore I can do this :)

Hi reader(s) I haven't been blogging lately partly because ; -

#1-I don't feel like going online due to shitty internet.

#2-I don't have the mood to blog.

#3-I got other things to do.

Haha stupid reasons.But yeah , I'll still be blogging. Just less. Unless I got things to blog about. Like right now.

DAmn boy, i miss YOU.

I really really really do. I miss your voice too. I wanna hear it again , Please? I know you probably don’t want to hear mine anymore, but can I? You have my number, feel free to call anytime. Though when you call, don’t blame my heart if it starts racing 150 mph. I don’t give a fuck of what others say now, because at this point, I know I still like you. Others might say things, but I don’t mind. I would mind if it were with others guys, but for you, I’m willing. But if only you were willing to take a u-turn and bring it back to what it was before, that would be amazing.

LEEANN'S PLACE:)

As you can see in the picture above , right here ^ . This happened to me today , in leeann's house. It happens ALL THEM TIME. Haha but it's okay lah ! :) Shall start with my morning. I was up at 9 + - ish? And I was panicking cause I thought I was gonna be late. Cause Leeann said I was supposed to be in her house @10 yesterday night. So I rushed. And after I got ready I called her a couple of times to check if she was awake. And the thingy was like caller busy or smth so I was panicking more. (Ohshiz.justrealizedI'msoundinglikethecoughcoughsblog) Anyways , I texted her when it was about 11. She said she's busy so yeah I waited and waited and waited. Finally went over her place @12. No time to bake already cause she doesn't even have the ingredients right now so plan failed. But we did something else which is , diy stuff. Pictures will be up ( According to leeann ) Not sure when though. Oh did I mention lucky is so fkin adorbz? Like really , but she bites alot D: Still love her though. K after thatt. Went tc , watched johnny english again. I only went to spoil it for leeann :P And , That's about it!

❒ TAKEN ❒ SINGLE ✔ GIVING UP

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It’s just like loving again after experiencing pain. Loving someone can’t be proven with just the way you feel, the words you say or the things you give. If you’ve ignored yourself and sacrificed your own happiness for the one you love, you know what love means.

Never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun:)

IT’S OFFICIALLY OVER NOW.

It's over.

It's done , we're done.

...

attention

I’m not going to deny it. I need it. Not just any attention. Special attention. The kind made only for me. The kind where the time is taken to fully understand, and cater to me. Call me selfish, but who doesn’t want to feel like they matter to someone? I don’t want to feel like no one gives a damn about me. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone go an extra mile for me.

Whoever said that letting go of someone was easy, must have been kidding themselves.

It’s like letting a balloon fly off into the sky. Knowing that it might never come back. Even if it did, it would take a while. But we all know how unlikely that is.

Maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to let go sometimes. Because a part of me will always hold on in hopes of rekindling that old flame no matter how it got put out. Even if it burns me once again.

But one day, you realize that letting go is one of the best things you can do. Instead of spending countless hours crying about someone whose tears dried up long before yours did.

NOT THAT GIRL.

I’m not the type to be noticed by guys when I’m out in public. Nor I’m the type to have guys randomly come up to me & ask for my digits. No, I don’t think a lot of guys try and “holla” at me either. I’m not some eye-candy you see on the street. I’m not like the other girls that would pass by some guy & deserve his second glance. I can’t be compared to those girls, I’m far away from that. Why? Do you want someone gorgeous? Do you want someone worth your pride? Sorry, please look elsewhere.

I LIKE YOU.

You're my patrick ♥

I like the way you say my name. I like how I can call you out of nowhere and you never seem to be weirded out. You just talk to me like I’m not bothering you. I like how when I call you we always stay up super late talking about the most randomest things and end up falling asleep on eachother. I like the sound of your voice. Imagining your face in my head makes me smile. I like how you don’t live in another state and if our plans work out correctly I get to see you. Big plus. I like how I can send you one word messages and even when you have nothing to say you’ll send a one word message back to me. It let’s me know that you’re still interested in our conversation. I like how you don’t always call me cute or attractive like other boys and when you do it’s sooo unexpected and cute.

But I have a problem.

How do you feel?

MOTHERF.

DAFUQ MAN? WHAT.THE.FUCK.

I was just on facebook the other day , then this status caught my eye.

It says "PLAYING WITH BLADES ARE FUN."

That is the loa-est status I've ever seen. (Nottryingtobejudgementalbutyeah,thiskindashitannoysme)

I mean you wanna cut? Go ahead , no one is stopping you.

But you don't have to post it up.

If everyone was like that , my whole home page would be filled with stuff like "Oh , i need to take a shit , brb "

Hate this.

MY WEEKEND.

So this is basicly what I did on my weekends :3

Was at sahara yesterday , syoking sendiri.

There were so many people there , Awkwarddddd.

HAHA. I went there at about 7+ ? Then went home at 10.

It was getting late so leeann decided to sleep over at my place:)

We watched horror movies tgt , and omegle-d after that .

Or how leo says it "omega" hahahahahahahaha.

Then we were like doing stuff la.

Leeann suddenly saw my lil bros sticker. And she was like OMGGGG.

It's a magical liopleurodon! So we camwhored with it .

WOOOOOOOOOOOOT. MAGICAL LIOPLEURODON.

Slept at around 6 am in the morning cause I drank loads of teh ais P:

Regretted that big time. Lesson learnt. That's all for now. Ciao outside motherfuckers. Loljk. Bye bloggers/ readers :D x

NIGHT TIME.

It really is true that people’s emotions come out at night because they are less occupied with other things. Most likely our love lives. Yeah I do miss him. It’s not like we ever became anything at all but I just miss his companionship…mostly at night. During the daytime I’m alright, repeating on and off that he never liked me and just took me as a friend, so I shouldn’t even be tripping. Plus I got way more things on my mind during the daytime to think about. This is why I stay away from expressing my feelings to the guy, unless it’s confirmed that he likes me back. I just took his friendliness the wrong way. I am really pathetic.

I’VE CROSSED SO MANY BOUNDARIES.

I’ve become a monster lately. Getting pissed off easily, giving the glare, not understanding my mom and being a brat.. ah just everything. Even my friend’s have admitted I have become more mean lately. Maybe it’s because I have no tolerance for anything anymore. I’ve come across so many people lying to me lately. Maybe I’m just at the stage where I’m realizing who I can keep as my friends. People who were my friends at the beginning of the year…aren’t my friends now.

DIY

I was bored, and renee wanted to do this. So I thought of trying it out too. What do you think ? Kinda cacated cause it's my first time and I didnt have a GOOD scissors. So yeh! Thats all for today , ciao guys :) x

#LOST

After awhile, you’ll begin to get sick of ; flirting , hooking up and messing around for “fun.” Starting to hate texting guys after guys for the hell of it. Flirting back because you’re bored. Messing around because there isn’t someone for you to commit to. Hooking up because you’re “single.” Eventually, playing games gets old and you’re mature enough to move onto something much greater.

This is where I am at. I’m sick of it all. I want something stable, I want someone who will always be there. I don’t want to change up who I’m talking to after a couple of weeks. I want something that will last.

♥

You say: It’s impossible

God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: I’m too tired

God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: Nobody really loves me

God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

You say: I can’t go on

God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalms.91:15)

You say: I can’t figure things out

God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: I can’t do it

God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: I’m not able

God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: It’s not worth it

God says: It will be worth it (Romans 8:28)

You say: I can’t forgive myself

God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: I can’t manage

God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: I’m afraid

God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: I’m always worried and frustrated

God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: I don’t have enough faith

God says: I’ve given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: I’m not smart enough

God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: I feel all alone

God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)